Chapter 2: The Many Paths to Greatness (excerpts)

What we learned in Chapter One is that science is what separates truth from opinion, and from a scientific standpoint, people are, let's just say - complicated. Therefore, we have some work to do as individuals to stay centered, and as a society, we need to increase our empathy for one another. Following science is important, particularly for us to establish accepted universal truths, however, science doesn't explain everything… Science doesn’t come close to explaining how capable we are as human beings. I’ve traveled the inner cities, built schools in the poorest of neighborhoods, and met people from all walks of life, the poor and the rich, the urban and the suburban, and it is clear to me, aside from a few hard political issues that can be unwrapped, (soon) the great majority of us are not behaving like stupid animals. I think I’ve figured out how it's happening despite what Dr. Haidt and his friends say about us (sorry Dr. Haidt I still love you and please keep the science coming!). The fact is that while we may be animals, we are beautiful animals. We draw upon things such as hope, optimism, and spirituality like no other species, to lift us from our lowest lows and to propel us to our highest highs.

There is no substitute for hope and optimism. Of all the mysterious things in life, they are the most powerful tools we have to get what we want out of our lives. When applied often, hope and optimism tame our inclinations for negativity and self-doubt. Even that darn elephant listens to hope and optimism!

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I’ve figured out how and why my 90% rule is accurate! It is because there are many different paths people take to develop the virtues to be a good person and the qualities to be great citizens! There are traditional paths that involve us having the right mix of parenting, schooling, and social experiences, the “potted plant comparison” (from Chapter 1), and this path is well supported by the sciences on human flourishing. This might also be called the “prescriptive path”, because it is like a doctor just writes a prescription and you simply follow the instructions. There is the spiritual path that has played a big role in my life (more on this later) and there are other roads that philosophers and scientists talk a lot about, that may be best defined by “struggle, endurance, and redemption”. People who grow up with little of the traditional nourishments, nor rely on too much faith, however somehow develop a strong faith in themselves. In many cases, these folks start with very little hope and almost nothing to be optimistic about. If this is you right now, please keep reading, because people who are living this path often don’t realize what is coming of them, but it happens. By being forced to overcome obstacles they size up their fears and leave them in their wake. I was very lucky to have someone in my life who traveled this road. He was my father and I want to tell you a bit of his story. Arthur H. Cort was born in Boston in 1919, into a very poor single-parent home. His mom Lillian would leave the family for long stretches at a time, basically abandoning him. So my dad and his older sister Selma had to live in temporary, state-run foster care.

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Luckily, suffering through childhood is not a prerequisite to having a great life. Life isn’t that cruel. I had a much different upbringing than my father did. Because of his sacrifices, I grew up in a town called Weston, known as a wealthy suburb of Boston. Using the potted plant comparison, I grew up with nutrient-rich “soil” with steady “watering” (formal schooling). My father grew up with sub-par “soil” and almost no “watering”. In looking back on my life, I had a lot of anxiety, I think because I grew up feeling guilty about having so much made easy for me, but I think it was my interactions with others that saved me. However, I realize now that my father and I did share something important in common. Our lives were defined by interacting with other people. For my dad, it was life in the city streets, for me it was life in a suburban neighborhood. My mom wouldn’t let us ever sit around the house and do nothing. We had a huge bus stop for years, and we would always show up an hour early to play hide and seek. We made “slingshots” out of rubber bands, rode dirt bikes, made fires in the woods, and pegged houses with rotten apples (only once?).

Aristotle said, “Men are not isolated individuals, . . . human excellences cannot be practiced by hermits”. “Our flourishing originates from, and arises from our relationships with others. Happiness is not an emotional state so much as it is the excellence of the relations we cultivate with other people”. Says, Nat Rutherford, Professor in political theory, Univ. of London, writes; “For Aristotle, we flourish by exercising our uniquely human capabilities to think and reason. But thinking and reasoning are as much social activities as they are individual . . .”

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I want to summarize this chapter with a quick story. I visited my mother’s grave on Mother’s Day this year. She died in 2005. I arrived at her grave site without any flowers and soon felt empty-handed. I noticed some pink flowering shrubs on the outskirts of the grounds. (I promise they weren’t on anyone else’s grave, but they were close). Anyhow, after breaking some small limbs in the neighboring woods I returned to my mom and placed the pink blooms (and various ragweeds), into the vase that flips up into place. As I was admiring my work a woman approached and said, “I hope you don’t mind, I noticed you're clipping the shrubs . . .” my heart sank at the thought of her witnessing my possibly illegal landscaping activities, but before my worry about her being some sort of cemetery cop overcame me. . she reached out and handed me a single red rose and said, “every mom should have a rose on Mother’s Day”. We chatted briefly and she had an “aura” of great warmth and kindness. As we parted she said, “It was nice speaking with you Glenn, may GOD bless you”. At the start of this chapter, I mentioned that faith for me plays a large part in my life. To overcome my anxieties and self-doubts which I’ve struggled with for years, I’ve prayed to GOD most every night of my life to give me strength. I believe it played a role for Roberta as well.

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The point in all of this is, that to get an accurate bearing on life we need to stop underestimating people, and this starts with ourselves. You are amazing, and 90% of the people you will interact with are amazing too. But now we turn to the harder questions. If there are so many paths for people to take to feeling well, why is there such a flip side to this coin? As true as it is that we can achieve more happiness in our lives than sadness, and as wonderful life can be for such sustained periods, it seems that just as quickly it can get very lonely and that it doesn’t take much for a door to darkness to open. Many people (almost half of all Americans*) report being sad enough at periods of their lives to seek help. And why do we witness so many terrible acts of violence against our society? What should be expected of us, when it comes to solving that large problem? What matters in life and how should we be judged?