If you don't feel right, or don’t feel normal - that is normal. If you’re grappling with negative thoughts and emotions that you have trouble understanding, that is normal. If you have a certain amount of anxiety, that is normal. Each and every one of our nervous systems is wired with a certain amount of anxiety. We have built in insecurities, and built in fear, which is not rational. Welcome to being human. Dealing with irrational fears, anger and frustration that builds up as a result of difficult life circumstances, is the great challenge of being human. 

In the last few years, doctors have identified to a scientific degree of certainty why we struggle individually and collectively.  Advancements have led to understanding the “cognitive distortions” which occur in our brains which interrupt positive brain growth, and positive thought,  and lead to stagnation and regression. 

These unhealthy, irregular brain chemistry’s are now identifiable, and doctors know how they grow more harmful as we age. Today we are able to prevent the brain from becoming stuck in lower gears of awareness, but it is not easy work to keep ourselves mentally well. There are many different ways we slide, and the slide is often gradual and invisible. The slide also is a matter of degrees - we all slide to one extent or the other. 

There are three main sub ingredients to how and why we slide away from our higher gifts, and lose our capacity to live according to our full human potential - which has also been proven to be remarkable and extraordinary.   

Slide Part 1 - Primal Instincts

Certain primal instincts are still ingrained inside parts our brain, which were useful years ago, but not so much today. We are still learning to change and adapt our minds to the requirements of living in a modernized world. “We are selfish primates who long to be a part of something larger and nobler than ourselves.” (Haidt righteous mind. P 381)  “The elephant (inside of us) will pursue its evolutionary goals even when greater happiness can be found elsewhere.” (Haidt Righteous Mind p101) obsessively concerned with creating a meaningful identity, with making our mark in the world, this means impressing other people and satisfying our most primitive need to be seen, and heard, to feel important.   We make the same connections to pure evil. Eg. cults, martydom, and suicide bombers as we do to purist good; when we detach from natural laws. 

2.    Unwanted Negative Thoughts

Having unwanted negative thoughts, negative self talk and self doubt is hardwired into our nervous systems. Negative thoughts fill our brains all day long . We remember negative experiences more than positive ones. Negative thoughts to self doubt lead to having irrational fears..and this leads to our living an existence daily where we overexaggerate risk. 

.“fight or flight” instincts, ultimately cause us to have excessive fear, and moral outrage. 

3. Poor parenting / trauma / Disappointing life experiences

People suffer all kinds of emotional trauma due to not being cared for properly or loved the way we were meant to be.  Sense of rejection, being unloved, invisible, unheard, disrespected and victimized. we are changed, we move from trusting to distrusting, warm to cold , loving and compassionate to hateful , resentful and angry.  angry and spiteful for what others have and for what we do not have, and for feelings that we will never have. “When people feel that their identity is unrecognizable the experience registers as injustice- because it is. People who have been treated unjustly often lash out and seek ways to humiliate those who they believe have humiliated them”. (jon haidt, atlantic. How we got so mean.)

Bad things happen to good people. There is pure evil in this world.  We are exposed to terrible life conditions.Some of us cannot overcome all these circumstances.There are no bad people; we need to have empathy for everyone because they may have gone through something traumatic that we didn't.  We all go to a dark place at times in our lives. We all lose our capacities and abilities to be bigger people, and to be remarkable rather than ordinary, at different times in our lives.  Being modest and moderate, having patience and forbearance of others and maintaining that disposition over time in the face of great obstacles and traumas does not come easily to us, however gifted we may be! 

The scientific discoveries in the last few years are breakthroughs which present an opportunity that we’ve never had before.  We can become aware of our slipping, we can prevent the loss of un-regulated and im-balanced thinking. It’s been proven scientifically that the more we can steady ourselves in the face of challenges, and put in the work required to overcome them, the more we hold ourselves upright. 

We need to focus our attention on how and why people slide - how a certain many of us are going to “lose our shit” at times in our life, become sad; its a part of being human.  However, we have never, in our history, been more equipped to keep our children emotionally well, even in the face of life's great challenges! Today, we have the knowledge to bring out the best in ourselves, while limiting the worst. 

“without being more cognizant of our inclinations to slip into these lower gears of cognitive awareness (which include carelessness, forgetfulness, excessive pride, and arrogance) we individually fail to maintain the temperament needed to do the complicated work of self-government.”

Quotations to Discuss: 

 “Everyone you meet is fighting a battle. You know nothing about “. Ian Mclaren

“We must use our gifts or we lose them.” Glenn Cort, Letters To Mikey 

Resources. : LTM chapters 3, 7 and 10. Breakthrough. 

Rosmin: Thriving With Anxiety.  Reading for young adults to prepare themselves for natural anxiety which occurs in all of us!  Teachers Introduce whatever child mental health awareness, and SEL information here. For example CASEL Model.

*******Hand out: Jonathan Haidt Cheat Sheet; Hopefully written by Jon Haidt himself: these quotes are taken from his books.

“To be human is to feel pulled in different directions, and to marvel – sometimes in horror – at your inability to control your own actions.” (the righteous mind, Haidt p 62)

“We make our first judgments rapidly, and we are dreadful at seeking out evidence that might disconfirm those initial judgments.” (95-96). Intuitions come first” (115)“we often use reasoning not to find the truth but to invent arguments to support our deep and intuitive beliefs.” (37) “It’s our self-perceptions that are distorted because we look at ourselves in a rose-colored mirror.” (66) “we can easily find ways to explain away our selfish acts and cling to the illusion that we are better than others … setting the stage for endless disputes with other people who feel equally over-entitled. ” (67-68) 

(71)   “The two biggest causes of evil are … excessive pride and arrogance… when someone’s moral certitude (righteousness) is extreme it is easily threatened in reaction to threats to that righteousness, they often lash out violently.  extremism  becomes dangerous because it brings with it the belief that the ends justify the means. “In moral and political matters we deploy our reasoning skills to support our team, and to demonstrate commitment to our team.” (haidt righteous mind p168) “We trust and cooperate more readily with people who look and sound like us. We expect them to share our values and norms.” (haidt righteous mind, p366)