The Coddling of the American Mind:
How Good Intentions and Bad Ideas Are Setting Up a Generation for Failure
GREG LUKIANOFF and JONATHAN HAIDT
Packed full of credible and current research; authors Lukianoff and Haidt reward us with required reading for all parents about how our good intentions of building our kid’s self-esteem and placing individualism first are backfiring
(badly ) along with our efforts to make everything equal for them - we are doing more harm than good. This is a well-balanced - apolitical book; that should help future generations of parents produce more resilient kids and more capable citizens who are less selfish, and grow to have great faith in themselves by what their parents do not do for them; vs what they are doing today.
“Instead of the strategy involving overprotecting, over-scheduling and over-parenting children in hopes of giving them an edge in a competitive society that has forgotten the importance of play and the value of unsupervised experiences. . . Parents will allow kids to develop a normal immune response rather than an allergic response to the everyday irritations and provocations of life including life on the Internet.
Parents can give their children the gift of experience, the thousands of experiences they need to become resilient autonomous adults.
The gift begins with the recognition that kids need some unstructured unsupervised time to learn how to judge risks for themselves and practice dealing with things like frustration boredom and interpersonal conflict “. (P236-237)
This is just a tiny taste of this very well-intentioned book. Again, the writers don’t have a political bent. They are advanced degreed scientists. The only horse they seem to have in the race is to help advance the human race. I could not be more thankful and awe-inspired of their contribution! We really need to figure out a way to get this book into the hands of every new parent on the planet.
Let’s do it!
In The Coddling of the American Mind, authors Greg Lukianoff and Jonathan Haidt argue that modern culture often shields young people from difficult experiences and ideas, which can harm their ability to handle real-world challenges. The book focuses on colleges and universities, where the authors believe an overemphasis on “safety” and “comfort” can lead to censorship of certain speakers, topics, or opinions. While the intention might be to protect students from distress, the authors claim this approach can weaken students’ mental resilience.
They outline three main “untruths” that have become popular in recent years. The first is the idea that “what doesn’t kill you makes you weaker,” suggesting that people should avoid stress or discomfort as much as possible. Lukianoff and Haidt argue the opposite: facing challenges can help people grow stronger. The second untruth is “always trust your feelings,” which can lead students to judge situations based solely on emotions rather than logic or evidence. The third untruth is “life is a battle between good people and evil people,” which encourages a simple “us versus them” attitude, ignoring the complexities of real human behavior.
The authors also discuss how social media contributes to anxiety and conflict among young people, fueling “call-out culture,” where people publicly shame others for minor mistakes or unpopular opinions. This can create fear and discourage open conversation. Lukianoff, who suffered from severe anxiety himself, describes how certain therapeutic techniques—like cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT)—can help students challenge negative thoughts, face difficult feelings, and become more emotionally resilient.
Another aspect of the book is how parenting styles and school policies have evolved. The authors believe that many parents try to remove all risks from their children’s lives, which can limit opportunities for kids to learn problem-solving and self-confidence. In schools, zero-tolerance policies sometimes prevent healthy debates or punish normal childhood behavior too harshly. Together, these trends can produce young adults who feel unprepared for conflict and stress once they enter college or the workforce.
Ultimately, The Coddling of the American Mind calls for a return to thoughtful dialogue, resilience-building, and respectful disagreement. The authors believe young people need a balance of support and challenge to develop into independent thinkers. By encouraging open-mindedness, teaching coping skills, and allowing a broader range of ideas—even those that might be unsettling—Lukianoff and Haidt believe society will be stronger, smarter, and better prepared for the real world.
The Coddling of the American Mind
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